Starting out with a little song to get us in the right frame of mind to learn what God taught me today. Hope it lifts your spirit as well.

okay, okay, okay... I know that part of starting this blog was to keep me more consistent with my daily Bible reading and praying and the journaling (of sorts) was to be done here - with y'all keeping me honest by holding me accountable. However, I am realizing that this journaling stuff is pretty intense and it can be very deeply personal. I realize each day I write something down, I just don't know how I can share some of those intimate details of my family with strangers and loved ones. I am okay with sharing the parts about me, but the parts about what's going on with me in regards to my family, not so much.. I don't have that permission or authority. So, you may not see me for a few days here and there as I'm dealing with family things, but take heart, dear reader, God is moving in some mighty big ways, even on days I'm not here. When there is a word for you, I will be faithful to return.

Here I am today. God and I have been having some pretty great conversations and some interesting things are occurring around my life. My future sister-in-law texted me a couple weeks ago and asked if I wanted to do a Bible study together. I had been meaning to "get around to it" but had not looked about for one, so this was the impetus I needed. (On a side note: My mother was a perfectionist who would occasionally procrastinate, so one of her friends gave her a round wooden coin with a magnet on the back and the words, "Round Tuit" in curved text around the outer edges. They told her, "You always say you'll do such and such when you 'get around to it' so here ya go! No more excuses!" To this day, every single time I hear that phrase, I think of that magnet my mother kept on her fridge!!) So, my fsil was my proverbial "round tuit." It was then I searched a study by my favorite Bible study author, and found a Beth Moore study.

I love Beth Moore studies! She reminds me of southern iced tea, refreshing and sweet, while helping you quench your thirst. She is the founder and leader of Living Proof Ministries and can I tell you, she writes a mean Bible Study! You can come into a Beth Moore Bible Study as a brand-bottom-spankin' new Christian a few measly hours old and by the end of the 6 week study you've sojourned with her, you'll come out wizened and learned, and best of all, you'll be chompin' at the bit, ready to go again. If only it didn't take her 2 years to complete each study!!

While doing a Beth Moore study, you simply cannot go a single day without diving deep into her 45 minute to hour long studies. And she's a Bible lover, so you'll be flipping through your Bible and learning the order of your books, I'll tell you that right up front! I would bet that half of the full-color underlining and highlighting in my Bible has come from "Ah-a!" moments that God has spoken to me personally through a Beth Moore Study. Even today, as I read from Chapter 1 in Genesis, God revealed 3 or 4 things to me I hadn't quite thought about or considered in that way before. (The purple notes are from today.)

In my best Beth Moore whisper-y, velvety-sweet, lovingly passionate, southern voice, "Isn't God amazing?! I mean, truly and inspirationally amazing?!? I never tire of reading His word and hearing His voice speak through the pages of this great Book!"

So, get on with it, Woman! What got you so fired up this morning?! Well, quite honestly... God Himself! Can I get a witness?? I started out by praying that God would show me what He had to teach me in the lesson today and I honestly couldn't keep up with everything He was teaching me... So the first thing I learned was this: I finally understand what all the fuss is about JOURNALING!!

In the past, I've tried to journal, but really, I didn't get it.. I've been doing it now for a few weeks.. taking notes, really, at church, as I read at home, as I pray at night.. but it has just not clicked until today what good that was doing. I mean, was I recording it for posterity's sake? Who would read these words scribbled on a page in a pretty leather bound book with scriptures adorning the pages? When I was rejoicing with our Savior, were my poor, devastated children going to find my journals in the attic and finally understand just how much time I really had spent in praying over them and fall to their knees out of guilt for their teen antics?!?

Today, though, today, journaling took me to a whole other level! As I read, God showed me one Truth after another and I couldn't keep up with everything He was showing me, so I jotted it down as I read..WOW! how much I would've forgotten by the time I got to the end had I not committed it to paper!

For example, I'll start with a small one, although is anything that God reveals to you personally, really ever "small?" Genesis 1: 30 says that God has "given every green plant for food." what?!? What about poison ivy? what about hemlock? Try eating some of that and you'll be seeing Christ's face pretty quickly... There are tons of poisonous plants, so why the disparity? Because sin. duh. Sin entered into the world and everything changed.. I mean, I knew that part, but God showed me today, in that little bitty phrase, that when HE CREATED IT, it was good, it was perfect. Sin caused it to be deadly towards us. And that explains SO MUCH of life, doesn't it, my sweet sisters and brothers?!?

Another example of something God made jump off the page, and this one is a HOT TOPIC today, I don't have to tell you, is in Genesis 1:27. It says, "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; MALE AND FEMALE He created them" (emphasis mine - and the point here). Reading this passage 20 years ago, or 10 years ago, or heck even in 2012, could you imagine why in the world would God put "male and female, He created them" in the text? Duh! Obviously, He created male and female.. God created Adam and Eve and they made babies, and so on, and so on, and so on... fast forward to this craziest of crazy times in which we live where judges are declaring birth certificates and legal documents are listing gender as "non-binary," "U" for unspecified/unknown, and "intersex."

Judge Rules Vet Not Male Or Female     Canada Issues Health Card with "U" Under Gender

One could argue here about those poor souls born with parts of both male and female reproductive organs but only one gender is outwardly apparent. In fact, I actually have a dear friend, who when we were close (BFFs for you young 'uns), SHE knew something was different and had feelings which didn't match her beliefs. It was a few years later a doctor confirmed this very condition. HE was able to see doctors and start treatment, and easily update his birth certificate to read MALE (all with little fuss and no media coverage). God has blessed him and he is now happily married to a lovely woman with a house full of children! My thoughts on this, in case you're interested, and interestingly enough, harken back that discussion we just had about why all plants WERE created as a food source and some now are deadly (and remember I just noted that this morning as well). Because when sin entered the world, the perfect was made imperfect. Over generations, imperfections are magnified and multiplied, creating new and bigger imperfections. Look around: cancer is on the rise, as are mental health issues (autism affects 1 in 43 American children, some studies say), as well as deadly diseases and viruses, like HIV, Zica, and others we can't imagine. All caused by that tiny little 3 letter word - SIN.

Boy, oh Boy! when you lead with something as controversial as all that, where do you go from there?!  How about following me to where I went? To the 23rd chapter of Job, verses 1-10. I'm struggling with some parenting concerns and I'm begging God to show me HIS will, show me HIS way.. I'm sometimes scared to death I'm going to cause permanent scars on the hearts of my little ones without even knowing it - although I know that God is Jehovah Rapha, The Lord Who Heals, and He can heal even that which I break.. but I don't want to break it in the first place! Does anyone feel me?!

Job 23: 1-7 (NASB)
Then Job replied, "Even today my complaint is rebellion; His hand is heavy despite my groaning. "Oh that I knew where I might find Him, that I might come to His seat!" I would present my case before Him, And fill my mouth with arguments. "I would learn the words which He would answer and perceive what He would say to me. "Would He contend with me by the greatness of His power? No, surely He would pay attention to me. "There the upright would reason with Him; And I would be delivered forever from my Judge."

So, God, through Beth Moore, took me to Job... poor Job. We all know his story.. He loved God and God blessed him with a large and happy family, great wealth, good standing in the community, and a happy life. Then Satan approached God and said it was easy for Job to praise God in the good times, but what about the not-so-good times? It was then God gave Satan permission to destroy all Job had, except, "do not put forth your hand on him" God told Satan. From there, and I'm sure with great joy, Satan went about killing all of Job's family, destroying his buildings, killing off his animals, and even destroying his place in the community, for even his friends Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuite, and Zophar the Naamthite believed he was being punished for unrepented sin and advised him to seek God's forgiveness. But never does Job waver in his belief in God. Never does he blame God nor does he curse God. In fact, we see him earnestly searching for God because if only he can lay forth his case before the "Judge" (God), "I would learn the words which He would answer, and perceive what He would say to me. ... Surely He would pay attention to me. There the upright [Job] would reason with Him; and I would be delivered from my Judge."
If you are innocent when going before a judge, you are certain he will see your innocence and help you find a solution, set you free from the burden which has been entangling you, and will help you to return to the normalcy of life. The guilty are not so eager to go before a judge, knowing his discernment can forever imprison them or even sentence them to death.

I have been coming to God, to my Jehovah Tsidkenu, the Lord our Righteous, much like Job, and asking, no crying out for Him to be a just and fair Judge and "fix" the problems of my children. So, I read this, saying, "YES, Abba! Yes! This is me. Lord, hear me and judge me righteous."
        Here's a bit from my personal journal after reading that passage in Job, "Wow! God, in Job, just nailed it for me! If God would only come forward to me then He would surely see what we've been trying to do right [in regards to raising our kids] and failing, it seems, miserably at doing! Show me your ways. I will do ANYTHING it takes to make things right..."

I continued reading, at Beth's urging, and concluded my journaling with writing out Psalm 139:7-10.

It was in journaling these great words of the Psalmist David, not just reading them, but putting pen to paper and writing them while praying them  earnestly for me personally, that I realized God was giving me my answer (of sorts). "Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven You are there. If I make my bed in Sheol, Behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there, You hand will guide me. And your right hand will lay hold of me." God is Jehovah Shemmah, The Lord is Always There, Always Present. I *KNOW* this... and maybe, the Truth is, I've been taking it - HIM - for granted.

My spiritual gift is faith, which can cause my prayer life to be a bit shallow, because I *KNOW* He's got this.. I know that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 NASB, so sometimes I take it for granted that it's all going to work out and I don't pray as much as I should.

Well, that is not good enough for God. Just because your husband KNOWS you love him doesn't mean you should stop telling him that. Just because your husband KNOWS you enjoy his company and you respect the stellar job he's doing at providing for his family and for you doesn't mean he doesn't want you to tell him. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Without that communication, you lose your intimacy, resentment builds, and your relationship will fall apart.

Sometimes, even though I know God is always with me, I must truly seek Him.. I need to lay aside my familiarity with Him and cry out to Him with everything I am. God is a jealous God and I've been taking Him for granted. He wants to be appreciated and worshipped and not just thanked for a good parking spot at the grocery store! I've been too familiar with Him. It's akin to being the wife of the king of a country... the man needs familiarity and intimacy, but the king demands reverence and awe and respect, because he is regent. God is not dissimilar; He is, after all, not just my Abba Daddy, but also the Supreme Creator of the Universe,  the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the God of Wonders. WOW!

Forgive me, Lord for taking you for granted. For even this very morning, as I cleaned up after my kids, I thought 1 day a year isn't enough gratitude for all I do as a mother, yet, I, in my relationship with you, have done the very same day. Lord, I praise your Holy Name, El Elyon, The Lord Most High. 

Amen.

The Word was with God, Is God, Is Love, And the Importance of Being an Excellent Wife

My mother always taught to be careful of the words you speak out, that words have power. When God created the heavens and the earth, God SAID, "Let there be light." (Genesis 1:30) He didn't create light from His hands, He SPOKE it. John tells us in verse 1 of chapter 1 of his gospel, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." While I won't pretend to understand everything (or even most) of what I'm sure that really means, I can at the very least, read the outermost meaning - God is the Word - so words must matter. I found this great video offering an idea of the God being Love being Truth being the Word.

And this video which tells of how we should be living IN THE Word, which is living in God. Just this part of my study is probably enough for today's blog!! wow!

Also, God tells us to carry his Word with us in our hearts. His word, most times, we think of as the bible, but John tells us it is also God.. and we learn through reading the bible to keep God in our hearts! So, follow me here... God is the Word, the bible is the Word, God's Word is the bible, and we're to keep both God and the Word of God in our hearts!! oooohh, I just got chills!
                                A=God                                                              B=Word

                                C= keep in our hearts                                      D=Bible
It's been a long, trying past 6 months to a year. When you have a life verse/chapter such as James 1, it can offer you amazing guidelines and help at almost any point for almost any situation. It's almost like "Christian living: 101." But it can also be pretty heavy. And it got me thinking, am I creating more struggles by claiming this verse/passage as "my" verse? This is where the whole power of the word comes into play.

Consider it Pure JOY when you encounter various trials... When you start out your day saying these words, are you encouraging yourself to be prepared to praise God no matter what happens that day OR are you sort of setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy that you WILL encounter various trials!? hmmm...

So, I thought I would take my mind "off" that passage for a while and do something a bit more upbeat and cheerful. Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying, "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all." Proverbs 31:28,29  THAT'S WHAT I WANT!! Sign me up!

Well, there's only one problem with that... context. When read in context, it's just as heavy as James. Where James 1 might be "How to be a good Christian: 101," Proverbs 31 (in context, you must read 10-23) would be "How to be the perfect Christian WIFE: 101." Cuz, no pressure there, right?!

I mean, the world - and SOCIAL MEDIA & BLOGS - are everywhere telling me how to be the perfect wife/mother/woman. I must work-out to be skinny. I must work outside the home, preferably making at least as much, if not more than, my husband. I must wear high heels and make-up and have my hair done perfectly at all times. I must be a superb chef, preparing all my meals in above-mentioned heels. I bake for family get-togethers, and when the church needs me I am there with my largest smile. I must laugh with my friends (which means I must have time to have friends!). And I must be a volunteer with the PTA, the local food pantry, the Pet Shelter, and buy lattes for the person in line behind me. And of course, be present when your family arrives home, looking like you spent the day resting.

With that as the world's standard, I can only imagine what God's standard must be, right? The Proverbs 31 woman must be impossible, so why try? Why bother? Being the "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" kind of gal I am, I was reminded of a saying I heard which I enjoy and tell my children. "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." - Brian Littrell

And with that I began reading: 10: An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels 11: The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. I've been working on reading a book on Winston Churchill, who is renowned for loving his wife abundantly. He said this:

10: An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. a cross-reference here to Proverbs 12:4 says "an excellent wife is THE CROWN of her husband" (emphasis mine). Crowns show the king's wealth: a small crown = a small kingdom, a large crown = a large kingdom. Crowns also represent the king's power, legitimacy, victory, triumph, honor, and glory. WOW! If that doesn't make you reconsider the importance you play in your husband's life, I don't know what would. Finally, the crown is the last thing a monarch would put on... the icing on the cake, the crown on the king... the wife/crown is what completes him, to sound very Tom Cruise in "Jerry Maguire" -esque.

11: The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.  This one is pretty deep. Whether we stay-at-home, work-from-home, work-at-work, or whatever, we are, I believe, wives first. The importance of the biblical, Godly wife is so critical, and so underplayed, and condemned in today's world; instead of being held in high regard and great esteem, she is scorned and belitted.

I used to jokingly say (used to, as in up until this very moment), that being a biblical wife was easy. God says we're in authority to our husbands, so all I have to do is obey him, whether I agree with his decisions or not, and that is for what I will answer to God on judgment day. It is the husband, who must make decisions for the family, who must stand before God on judgement day and answer for those decisions.  God calls us to be under the authority of our husbands but here God tells us we have much to do with our husband's success! When the wife is excellent (UGH! WHEN the wife is excellent.. and didn't the verse above say, "an excellent wife, WHO CAN FIND?!?) no pressure there..

But when the wife IS excellent, the husband will have no lack of gain.. that doesn't mean that he'll gain weight at home cuz she's an excellent cook! That means, that when a wife is trustworthy (reliable, dependable, honest, honorable, upright, principled, true, truthful, as good as her word, ethical, virtuous, incorruptible, unimpeachable, above suspicion), the husband will be successful in all other areas of life.

Do you hear this? Are you as convicted of this as I am? This is a hard one to swallow, God. So, not only do I have to excellent in order to have my husband's trust (wait! did you see that one?! It slipped through without us discussing it... I need to be excellent in order to for him to trust me? It doesn't just happen?!? another truth bomb to digest!)

So, not only do I have to be excellent (and an excellent wife, who can find?) to earn my husband's trust, I am also called to be excellent as a Christian (as we all are), and now I am told that the success of my husband, and ultimately my entire family, relies on my ability to be an excellent wife. I need some time to digest that one..

I will end today's entry on a sweet note about marriage, as we ponder all that God asks of us as wives, in just these first 2 verses of my "light word of study..." About marriage it is written in Matthew 10: 4-6, "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate."  If we are no longer 2, but are now 1, as God's WORD commands, then our desire to be an excellent wife is the same as being an excellent woman of God/the Word/Words. (don't get me started on that one again!)

Consider it Pure Joy.. Wait! Even Pain?

Experiencing pain is something I've done pretty much my entire life. At the age of 20, I began to succumb to migraine headaches. These migraines were not the "couple days a month/few times a year" type of migraine: these were full-on, 20 hours a day, wake me up from sleep, hurts to blink, type of migraine which would last as many as 24 days per month. What I thought was one really long-lasting migraine which I could suppress a bit with the medication, but not actually make go away, I came to know were actually 3 - 5 migraines per day. Sometimes behind my eyes, sometimes at the base of my neck, sometimes in my ears, sometimes in my sinuses, sometimes on one or the other side of my head.. but always, pain, excruciating pain. 

I was blessed. I had full treatment options due to being in the military. Afterwards, I was in college and I got greatly discounted treatment at the campus clinic. I even learned biofeedback while attending UT, which is a fancy way of saying, "teaching yourself to relax" but it worked, and it cost nothing!

I was in the Air Force when I was diagnosed, so I never had the option of sitting in my darkened room, waiting for relief because I was a US Airman and I had to report to duty or be dead, basically. This helped me to understand that I'd much rather be doing something and distracted from the pain than sitting alone in the dark thinking about how much my head/face/teeth/neck/eyes/scalp hurt.

In addition to that, I have always been a "glass half full" kind of gal.. actually, I see the glass as completely full, half of liquid and half of air - the stuff you can't see but that lifts you up! :) I have told myself since day one of discovering that I got migraines, "It could be worse, you could have _____________." (fill in the blank with something incurable, deadly, incapacitating, etc.)

Fast forward; somewhere around 13 years ago (around age 34), I began to experience pretty bad pain at the base of my skull, neck, top of my back, and shoulder area. It gets better and worse and I have been managing it with epidual steroid injections, cervical epidural steroid injections, intermittent-use muscle relaxers, and stretching and rolling with special hard foam rollers.

At the age of 43 or 44 (about 3 or 4 years ago), I got adult onset epilepsy - 😳 - BOOM! out of the blue... cuz I didn't have enough going on, I guess! Actually, I thought, "I guess God has a really high idea of what I can handle!"

About 2 years ago, the pain in my back became much worse and the steroid injections stopped working as well. So, I had a different procedure done, called a Radio Frequency Ablation which burns the nerve causing the pain. (don't let the doc in this video fool ya', that "mild discomfort you may feel" is down-right some of the most intense pain of my life! and that, my friend, is saying something!)

Unfortunately for those with my condition, nerves grow back, so less than year later, the pain came back and brought some friends. Until the last 6 months of so, that pain has been manageable, but as of the last 6 months, I'm at the point of pain meds every day (although I actually, I try to skip it to every OTHER day so I don't become dependent on them).

Again, I praise God that I live in a first world country and have access to the best healthcare on the planet. And again, I thank Christ for not having something worse. I do have to take medicine daily for my epilepsy and migraines, but I am still able to have a life and live independently.

Occasionally, it does get to me... the neck/shoulder/upper back pain especially gets to me. And it is in those times I get miserable and feel sorry for myself and whine and cry and lash out at God. I will cry out and ask Him, "What do you want me to learn? What is it that I'm not seeing? I praise You for this, but I ask for healing should it be Your will. If it's not Your will for my healing, Lord, then please show me why!!" Then when I calm down and rest, it is then when I am ready most to listen to Him... even though He is talking to me always.

I have long considered the first chapter of James to be my "life verse." 😂😂😂  A life verse is something to which you feel especially drawn, or it could be something someone speaks over you. It can be for your entire life or for a season. For me, it's been the last several years that the entire first chapter of James, but especially James 1:2 has just spoken to my heart and I've held it dear; partially for the pain I've experienced daily, partially for other various daily ins and outs. It reads like this:

So, whenever trials of any shape, size, or significance arise, I simply say this verse to myself. I even broke it down, word by word in the original Greek, and studied it. The word "joy" here means to have the kind of exuberant exhilaration and excitement one would have at, say a concert or live sporting event... literally jumping up and down for joy! what what!??! for my trials?

Even with my vast lifetime of experience at swallowing medications, that was a tough pill to swallow! (*groan*, I know)  But, eventually, I was able to take heart in times of trouble and tribulation and praise the Lord with thanksgiving. It's an ongoing struggle, don't get me wrong! My back hurts sometimes so badly I'm almost crying to get up out of bed, to lie down, to stand up, to sit.. On those days, it is particularly challenging to "JUMP FOR JOY." It is also on those days I remind myself that I am still ABLE to do so and it is my choice to live for the Lord or to let the evil one have a victory. Sometimes those praises sound like, "Okay, Lord, I don't understand but I'll praise You anyway" but throughout the day, I count it victory when it is able to work itself up to a "Hallelujah! You are my God and I'm so glad to have You!! Without You, even with these struggles I wouldn't be able to handle."

I had a thought one day, what if the reason I am going through what I am is because one of my precious littles will face something even worse, but will look back and remember my strength, given to me through Christ Jesus, will support them and keep them secure and safe and on track with Him.

I was going somewhere else with this completely when I started, but I'll end it here, trusting God has a point for my digression.

Where I Got the Name for my Blog

I had 4 kids in 5 years. Let that sink in for a moment. 😲

This is day #4 was born... #3 wouldn't have anything to do with him... She was NOT interested in losing her place as baby of the family! LoL  (She came around by the next day at home.)

Before I knew we were pregnant with our fourth child in as many years, I stood one day watching my 3 little darling babies chasing each other in circles around the house, squealing at once with both delight and terror, depending upon who was the chase-ER and who was the chase-EE, and of course who got overrun, who wound up on the bottom of the heap, and ultimately, who ended up with the item of interest which had created this chase scene to rival any of the best to come out of Hollywood since Steve McQueen's in Bullitt. 

                                    

I thought to myself, "Can you imagine if you had 4 kids instead of 3?" To which I promptly replied (to myself!), "I couldn't handle it!" It was in that moment, God spoke to me as clearly as if He were standing next to me. "No, you couldn't, but I can." 

Our family, with only 3 kids in 4 years. This is about the same time as the infamous chase scene and the profound moment God promised He could (and would) handle 4 of these little buggers in 5 years!

I was a bit startled by a voice so obviously in my head, but so spring water clear. I knew at once it was the Great I Am speaking to me. I also immediately pondered the unusual grammar of the sentence. He said I "couldn't" but He "can." To have both clauses match in syntax, it should've been either, I "couldn't" but He "could" - OR - you "can't" but I "can." It's a little thing, but is significant because, I came to realize months later, it was a prophetic promise, just for me, and THAT is way cool, yo!

Within a month, we discovered what we came to call our "Shock and Awe Baby" as that not only described our feeling knowing we would be parents of 4 babies born in 5 years, but it was the same time America was entering Iraq in search of Saddam Hussein using what the media called "Shock and Awe" tactics.

My little-bitties a few months before the "Shock and Awe" news of baby #4.

Amazingly enough, I forgot this very personal, prophetic, message given to me directly from the God of the universe, El Elyon (The Most High God), Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide), and Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace). We had anxiety about the pregnancy because I had high blood pressure, not quite high enough to be very troubling, but high enough to be concerned. Then came the delivery of my amazing 10 and 1/2 pound baby boy (yes, natural delivery for those mamas who are reading that number! ha!) which required almost double the maximum recommended amount of Pitocin and an eexxxtttrrrraaaaaa long delivery.

About 8 weeks later, it was time for our very first outing away from home. We decided to start it out easy, go somewhere safe, where we were comfortable, and would have loads of support. We went to church. We spent what seemed forever getting ready!! Imagine trying to get 4 babies ranging in age from 8 weeks to 3 years old all fed, clothed in Sunday best, groomed, and ready to be buckled in car seats requiring a Master's Degree in Engineering to operate, only to then realize you yourself are still in your house robe and slippers! It was like a circle of madness, by the time we had everyone fed and dressed, it was time to feed someone again, or change a diaper, or clean the spit up from their clothes, or...

Finally, we made it out the door and to church... and at only 20 minutes late, we felt like Rock Stars! As I was dropping off this beautiful newborn creation to the hands of a loving childcare volunteer in the nursery who was ooohing and aahhhing over him, she asked how I was holding up. I explained how challenging it was to have 4 children at all, but even more so when they're this close together. I just barely had the oldest potty trained and the other 3 children were still in diapers. She grinned and nodded to me with a sympathetic, "I don't know how you can handle all of these children so close together."

In a flash, I remembered the promise of my Lord that I wouldn't be able to handle them, but that HE CAN (and will) handle them for me. Of course, that meant Giving In And Letting Go. And therein lies the rub.